This evening, I did a bunch of very ordinary things: cleaned up the rest of the dishes, prayed and did some (very basic!) catechesis with my daughters, and then spent some time with each of them before bed. That process started about 7:15pm and ended around 8:20pm. When I started in on all of that, I had a bunch of energy left and was thinking hopefully about getting after one of two side projects I have going which are really important to me — one in programming, one in music. By the time I finished, I had absolutely no energy left: and not enough time to start composing or programming without waking up my brain in just the ways I need to avoid if I am to finish getting over the head cold I have been fighting and get up at 5:15am like I do every day (not least because we have a 7th grader who has to be out the door by 6:35am every day).

None of this is meant to evoke pity. It is, rather, an honest and public accounting of this reality because all of those things I did are good and, at the same time, they mean there are many other good things I cannot do.

I found myself surprised over the past few years that parenting older children coming now into young adulthood takes more time — much more time! — than parenting infants and toddlers. Those “little years” feel unbelievably full and tiring, but there are many hours where 2-year-olds are asleep and 12-year-olds are not. Most of the time, I see other engineers who have been prolifically public contributors (by writing, coding, or both) come into this phase of life and simply go basically silent. I have always guessed it was the kind of dynamic I just described, but it is worth saying it out loud:

If you aim to be a good husband and father (or wife and mother), there simply will be phases of your life where you do not have time for much in the way of side projects, hobbies, etc., and that will particularly cut into things like open source software contribution on the side. Period.

In my case, in our family, at this phase — with a 7th grader and a 5th grader — I really only have time for one hobby at a consistent level. Unconsciously at first, and now consciously, I have chosen endurance running as that hobby. That means open source software and composing both get what remains, when it remains, if it remains after doing my job and being present in the ways my family needs.

Again: this is not a complaint. These are good things! I would not trade them. Call it a public service announcement instead. And Godspeed to all of you (and to us, as we come into years I expect to be only more full than they already are).